Please Don’t Look at Me
Soundtrack
48 reading-order selections, plus one unnumbered bonus track after the Coda. Every readable entry gets a song, from the disclaimer and introduction through the chapters, Cold Open, Field Notes, and Coda. Listen straight through, or use the liner notes below to jump back into the book.
The Complete Playlist
Please Don’t Look at Me (but also please do)
Every bad decision deserves a needle drop.
Open the full playlist in Spotify (opens in a new tab)In Reading Order
Track-by-Track Liner Notes
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01
DISCLAIMER
A Disclaimer, Before We Begin
“Stay Alive - From “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty” Soundtrack” by José González
Before the book begins, one quiet instruction. Then we can get to the bad decisions.
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02
INTRODUCTION
Please Don’t Look at Me but also?
“Also Sprach Zarathustra/An American Trilogy” by Elvis Presley
Every memoir about being accidentally named Brian deserves the opening music from the dawn of mankind.
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03
CHAPTER 1
Brian Was a Mistake
“Once in a Lifetime” by Talking Heads
How did I get here? Literally. My name wasn’t even supposed to be Brandon.
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04
CHAPTER 2
Everything’s Coming Up Cringe
“Surrender” by Cheap Trick
Cheap Trick says the parents are fine, merely weird. The chapter submits Elvis, the Fonz, Michael Jackson, Al Jolson, and Puttin’ on the Hits into evidence.
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05
CHAPTER 3
Come Explore the World with Me
“Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell
If you have ever been caught doing something you cannot explain by someone who will never ask about it, this one’s for you.
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06
CHAPTER 4
Brrrrp Means I Love You
“We Are Family - 1995 Remaster” by Sister Sledge
Ironic? Maybe. Accurate? Unfortunately.
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07
CHAPTER 5
Alex and the Dog
“Wolf Like Me” by TV on the Radio
For four years, I thought the chained dog was the monster. Then the chain broke, and the only wolf in the yard wanted to lick my face.
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08
CHAPTER 6
Cicadas for Christ
“Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode
Altar boy era. Short-lived. God and I had creative differences.
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09
CHAPTER 7
Smoke Signals and Communion Suits
“Take Your Mama” by Scissor Sisters
My mother took me out on my seventeenth birthday. To rehab. Then she went home and smoked the evidence.
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10
CHAPTER 8
Three Chords and a Fog Machine
“Cum on Feel the Noize” by Slade
Before Quiet Riot, before Oasis, before us: Slade. Three chords, a fog machine, and enough volume to make competence optional.
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11
CHAPTER 9
Sometimes It Was Ratt
“The Rat” by The Walkmen
We pounded on Ratt’s tour bus asking for an autograph. Stephen Pearcy told us to get the fuck out. The Walkmen had already written his side of the story.
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12
CHAPTER 10
Brown Jenkin
“The Rubberband Man” by The Spinners
The band changed names every show. One of them was The Rubberband Man Band. Thirty years later, it finally gets top billing.
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13
CHAPTER 11
Nuggets of Regret: Raven’s Revenge
“Edge of Seventeen” by Stevie Nicks
There’s a bird in the song. There’s a bird in the chapter. That’s all I’m saying.
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14
CHAPTER 12
Stinkfinger Productions
“Sabotage” by Beastie Boys
The first thing I ever directed was fourteen minutes of masks, fire-extinguisher fog, fake credits, and a boombox soundtrack. It was terrible. It also explains everything.
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15
COLD OPEN
Valentine’s Day, 2016
“Love Will Tear Us Apart - 2020 Remaster” by Joy Division
The title is doing all the work. Let it.
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16
CHAPTER 13
I Didn’t Sign Up for This
“Big Love - Live” by Lindsey Buckingham
Fifteen weeks from a costume party to a wedding. We wanted something enormous, and I kept believing sheer force could hold it together.
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17
CHAPTER 14
I Did It Again, On Purpose
“Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be)” by Doris Day
A child asks what happens next. The song says nobody knows. I married his mother again because I couldn’t live with that answer.
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18
CHAPTER 15
Help Me, Rhonda
“Help Me, Rhonda - Remastered” by The Beach Boys
The chapter is named after the song. The song showed up in the chapter. It was not a good night.
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19
CHAPTER 16
A Rose by Any Other Mouth
“The Rose” by Conway Twitty
Conway Twitty landing in the middle of this record is the joke. The chapter earns it.
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20
CHAPTER 17
BumbleF***ed
“Lookin’ for Love” by Johnny Lee
All the wrong places. All the wrong people. One of them was crying before appetizers.
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21
CHAPTER 18
Karaoke, Pee Pants, and Proud Declarations
“Under Pressure” by Queen, David Bowie
Pressure in every sense. Some of it musical. Most of it not.
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22
CHAPTER 19
Nine Mini Thins and a Shart
“Go” by The Chemical Brothers, Q-Tip
Nine Mini Thins came online at once. My mouth accelerated, my judgment disappeared, and the rest of me went on an evacuation timetable.
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23
CHAPTER 20
A Performing Problem
“Octopus’s Garden - Remastered 2009” by The Beatles
My therapist prescribed octopus documentaries. Every other animal on TV comes with a narrator. She sent me to the one that works in silence.
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24
CHAPTER 21
The Feeling Chair
“Mockingbirds” by Grant Lee Buffalo
The chair asked me to feel something without explaining it. This is what followed me home.
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25
CHAPTER 22
Groin Crockpot
“Hot in Herre” by Nelly
It was hot in there. Not in a good way. Not in any way.
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26
CHAPTER 23
Another Man’s Pipe Fittings
“Every 1’s a Winner - Single Version” by Hot Chocolate
Eight of us. Nobody won. Three DUIs. One plumber had the best week of his life.
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27
CHAPTER 24
I Don’t Know Where the Lawn Went
“In the Meantime” by Spacehog
The future arrived, took the lawn, added four remotes, and somehow my kid still wanted the trampoline.
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28
CHAPTER 25
Steve From Analytics Did Nothing Wrong
“Busy Earnin’” by Jungle
I spent the meeting protecting my job, blaming Steve, and discovering that professional survival has a beat you can dance to.
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29
FIELD NOTE
Blessings, Dearest
“Joker and the Thief” by Wolfmother
She came for a gift card. I gave her baked ziti, Johnny Cash, and a dinner reservation. Somewhere in there, the thief met the joker.
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30
CHAPTER 26
Shut It Down
“Eminence Front” by The Who
The drinks flowed. I forgot. The lanyard made it official.
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31
CHAPTER 27
Poop Park in Canada
“Holiday Road - National Lampoon’s Vacation” by Lindsey Buckingham
Every road trip becomes a holiday road eventually. Some just have more coconut oil.
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32
CHAPTER 28
You Don’t Pick the Ride
“The Passenger” by Iggy Pop
I was not driving. I had no control. The song gets it.
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33
CHAPTER 29
Tarot and Chicken Breast Ankles
“Bohemian Like You” by The Dandy Warhols
Crystals. Tinctures. Tarot. Chicken-breast ankles. I dated her, and the maddening part is she may have saved my life.
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34
CHAPTER 30
Eat the Twin
“Tick Tick Boom” by The Hives
There was a clock inside me. It had hair, teeth, and apparently its own development plan.
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35
FIELD NOTE
Wallet-Sized Prints
“I Wanna Be Sedated” by Ramones
The most at peace I have ever been was under anesthesia off a state route in suburban Cincinnati.
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36
CHAPTER 31
White Castle Encore
“That’s All Right - Live” by Elvis Presley
Elvis was the first costume she put me in. Decades later, she admitted she was crazy and still gave me notes on the performance. That’s all right, Mama.
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37
FIELD NOTE
Shower Beer Baptism
“Shine” by Collective Soul
The shower anthem. The one you belt when nobody’s listening. I added a Hetfield grunt.
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38
CHAPTER 32
The Baptism of Opal Tackett
“Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd
My soul left. My body kept showing up.
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39
CHAPTER 33
Party’s Over, Dog’s Got the Pizza
“Machine Gun” by Commodores
A golden retriever hit the catering table like a two-stage heist, ate the evidence, threw it up, and ate it again. This needed an instrumental.
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40
CHAPTER 34
A Beer, a Brat, and Cancer
“Someday Never Comes” by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Fogerty wrote it about his father. I wrote this about mine. Someday never came, and now I’m the one standing in the hallway.
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41
CHAPTER 35
Call You Right Back
“Call Me” by Blondie
The callback was never the point. The calling always was.
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42
CHAPTER 36
Eh. We’ll See.
“Happier” by Marshmello, Bastille
I took my son to see a man in a marshmallow helmet press buttons. The real show was learning to love him without demanding an encore.
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43
CHAPTER 37
The Control Dog
“And It’s Still Alright” by Nathaniel Rateliff
He was the best dog I ever had. I miss him every day. The world kept moving anyway.
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44
CHAPTER 38
Carl the Dove
“Birdhouse in Your Soul” by They Might Be Giants
Carl needed somewhere to land. Apparently my house was accepting walk-ins.
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45
CHAPTER 39
I Can Fix Everyone Else in Post
“Kodachrome” by Paul Simon
Photographs make everything look better than it was. That’s my profession and my dodge in one song.
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46
CHAPTER 40
The Orange Button
“Dancing in the Dark” by Bruce Springsteen
I sat in a dark basement holding one chord, waiting for a spark. Eventually, I pressed the orange button.
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47
CHAPTER 41
F*** You (But Also I Love You)
“Punkrocker (feat. Iggy Pop)” by Teddybears, Iggy Pop
Love song, threat, apology, and an Iggy Pop cameo. That covers the relationship.
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48
CODA
Dead Man’s Fingers and Other Signs I’m Thriving
“This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) - 2005 Remaster” by Talking Heads
The book begins by asking how I got here. It ends by admitting this strange, collapsing, beautiful life is probably home.
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BONUS TRACK After the Coda
“Wait (Forever)” by Bucko
The only song on this soundtrack I actually wrote. Naturally, it isn’t assigned to a chapter.
Open the playlist in Spotify to play Wait (Forever) by Bucko (opens in a new tab)